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I found this post through Phil Gerbyshak’s Make It Great blog – and wow, what a really great post. I’m going to go through your whole site later today and do a post about it on my blog after I’ve had time to process it. My first impression is that your whole site looks very professional and seems to have a ton of great content.

Not taking things personally is obviously a good lesson for everyone, but your approach to the subject as an artist really drew me in. The swswswsw thing is something I’ve been struggling with personally for a long time. I made a feature film about 10 years ago – a full length, 35mm movie that I wrote, produced and directed. It’s the kind of thing most people dream about, really…but I got so intimidated by my fear of criticism that I let the film wither and die after completing it. Now, I’m working at bringing the film back to life on my site BreathingRoomMovie.com but I’m still dealing with the same fears. It’s a fine line between wanting to improve something and just letting it get out there. I think of the six years it took Lucinda Williams to finish Car Wheels On A Gravel Road. In her case, it paid off.

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Colleen says

Thanks Chirstine! Taking things personally is so sneaky–like I know I shouldn’t take things personally but I still do and I am draining lots of good energy without really knowing it. Your swswswsw and the list thing, and the reminder of being centered in yourself when starting the day instead of the externals driving you is very helpful.

Reply

Tim Draayer says

Heya Christine!

I really like number nine! Sometimes its really easy to take offense to something someone has said to you. When things like this happen we often have conversations with ourselves, talking that person down.

In effect, we are trying to talk ourselves into believing that we actually are right and the person who offended our senses is wrong.

When we do this its often a very good indication that we need to shut up, listen to what the person is actually saying and actually take it to heart. We often hear what we want to hear and disregard the true message and thats a mistake.

Reply

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says

Where was this blog 2 summers ago?

It took me practically 30 years — and a lot of time, space and perspective – to realize I took everything personally. Moreover, I internalized every upsetting and unfavorable situation. The topper was my ability to put the highest most unrealistic expectations on myself and everyone around me.

It’s so wonderful to enter a new decade more self aware with inner demons in check. It still takes a conscious effort on my part to step back and ask myself if I’m reacting too emotionally, personally or investing too much time and energy in a person/place/thing when I should let it go and move on, but I’ve made big time progress. High fives all around. Good for me!!

Reply

Carma says

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bullybloggers July 5, 2014 at 7:02 pm

I try to be!

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July 8, 2014 at 11:47 pm

How do you feel about “shemale”?

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kjq July 5, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Thank you for such an articulate analysis of a troubling trend.

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July 5, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Also, Jack, how I’m the world do you get from “trans people don’t like cis folks using to anti-trans slurs” to “trans people are assimilationist”? It’s almost as if you can only come up with the most insulting explanation possible, perhaps because you’re a shitty academic with an ugly soul.

Reply
bullybloggers July 5, 2014 at 9:03 pm

You are right, it could be my ugly soul but here’s the thing Assimilationist Tranny – not all trans people mind the T-Word – that’s what I am trying to say. Some of us like it!! It was never a medical term and not only a slur, it has a long history as a term of affection used by trannies for and about trannies and like many other queer slang terms, it does important work: dyke, queer, fag. I am sorry you found the explanation offered here offensive but if I hit a nerve, maybe it is worth thinking things through just a little…thank you for reading.

Reply
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July 6, 2014 at 1:35 am

Real safe space should allow for the word tranny because it reflects the very specific experiences of some of the people in that space. Some people claim that word and it’s important to them and by putting it down you’re triggering them, usually to anger.

KNE July 6, 2014 at 1:42 am

I’m sympathetic to your general argument, but I don’t think that it the argument accurately describes the motivations animating the “t-word” controversy as cleanly as it seems you believe. A better frame of reference is the “n-word” debates among african americans, and notions of intergroup vs intragroup usage. From what I hear from trans folks who’ve expressed opposition to the casual use of the word, I don’t think personal pain is really the issue as much as collective dignity. (Note: dignity is not an assimilationist goal.) In any case it’s easy enough for white dudes like me just to not say the n-word, and it’s easy enough for cis people like me to just not say the T-word.

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July 6, 2014 at 2:54 am

It was certainly impressive how you managed to link queer youth trying to create safe spaces to the military industrial complex. That’s the sort of theoretical chutzpah that lets you call grass roots resistance to reactionary rhetoric “neo-liberal” and still paint yourself as a queer outsider resisting assimilation.

Lilee July 6, 2014 at 11:43 am

Wow, Genderqueer, you say nothing so eloquently. Also, other person, tranny cannot be in any way equated to nigger. Why are we so afraid of words! It’s not like we’re using them to oppress. We’re talking about them. How do you talk about something and not name it? What does that do psychologically? Rhetorically? Transvestites were not physically enslaved in America and then politically and economically enslaved for… well, they still are. That word carries with it all of the racism and violence of those actions. It’s a word used to dehumanize. As a cisfemale bisexual monogamist, I never used the word tranny as a slur. As soon as I was told by a genderqueer youth that it was a slur (not because I’d used it, but out of context), I never used it again. Except in this kind of conversation. In fact, in my job as a rhetoric teacher, I have corrected students who have used it descriptively, unaware that it is offensive because they often live in little bubbles of unawareness that education is supposed to pop, not reinforce with steel and barbed wire.

S July 6, 2014 at 11:42 am

Sadly for you, there’s no Lambda award for being rude on the Internet.

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Automatically message visitors on your website
Proactively reach out to and chat with visitors of your website based on what they do.
Written by Zara Burke Updated over a week ago

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Choose ‘Chat’ to start a conversation with your visitors. These is the smallest, most subtle message type.

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Application Manager

User Manager : The User Manager can create, update, and delete users, phones, tokens, and bypass codes. The User Manager can also configure and run directory synchronization .

User Manager

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Read-only : Admins assigned the Read-only role may view (but not modify) basic information about users, groups, phones, tokens, and applications, as well as view reports. Read-only administrators may not access the Billing and Directory Sync pages.

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